continued

I am trying to explain (understand) how an academic nerd like me became a wife and made friends with food—well, not just food—with a new life as cook cleaner planner housewife homemaker. I had a few lessons to learn.

I was irresponsible at first. I didn’t feel like cooking dinner every night. I didn’t like cleaning up after dinner. My husband used to lie down after dinner and leave me with the dishes. I didn’t want to do dishes, I wanted be with him and talk. Monday morning came too soon.

I remember one Monday morning, early in my apprenticeship, my neighbour across the hall rang the doorbell, seeking coffee and conversation. She took one look at the stacks of dishes waiting to be washed and said “Wow, that must have been some party!”

I tried to tell her that we hadn’t had a party, not even a single guest, that the pile was mine and mine alone, because i didn’t like doing dishes. She was shocked. She didn’t offer to help and she didn’t stay for coffee.

It was noon by the time I finished and I had to think of something for dinner.

You’re going to tell me I was spoiled and lazy. You’re absolutely right. I’m only remembering it clearly now because I have been in lockdown for so long that I have become lazy again and self-indulgent.

Why am I telling you all this?

“We know what we are but know not what we may be.”

I wasn’t going through an emotional mental breakdown like Ophelia but I was going through a radical complete change of lifestyle.

Like now.