I had these N-ideas this morning (now yesterday) and I was going to write about Núna, the Icelandic touring event, because I like the title - it means now. But then I thought of nap as in cat- and sleep and that's it. I am fighting a serious depression and naps help me get through the day. Sleepless nights I don't mind; I empty the dishwasher and the waste baskets and compost bin, check the weather and my email and Facebook, of course, and drink black tea and fuss. It's not creative but it gets me through the night.
I remember my husband's despair over a colleague he had to work with who was slow on delivery. When the guy showed some signs of action or decision, Bill said , "At last, he's snapped back from inertia to lethargy." I thought of that recently I spend each day on a kind of plateau, unable to climb or descend or move. I would be grateful for inertia.
I'm fighting it. I'm making all the right moves: I still swim every morning; I'm baking Christmas gifts; I'm writing Christmas letters and making lists (and checking them twice) and wrapping stuff and trying to plan. But there's no joy in, it no anticipation, no verve or energy or focus. I end up sitting and staring - not even at a TV screen but into empty space. I'm going into this lugubrious detail because I am sure others are experiencing or have experienced this same impasse. Maybe it will help them to know they are not alone.
Tomorrow is another day, as someone once said.