There’s still an hour left of today - which was Kate’s birthday. Matt’s event and this passage of Kate’s have made me ponder my children’s past - and mine. Not reminisce, more like ponder. More thought, less pleasure. I took pleasure in them, my children; I’m not so pleased with me. How did I do as a mother? Did I get a passing grade? Who’s counting?

It’s not as if I have a lot of time on my hands to go into this at any depth. I’m spending my time at the hospital with Matt, or else slogging to and from by subway and bus and in between through slush and ice and snow with wet, precarious feet. (I guess I need new boots.)

When I get home I’m not good for much. Not thinking, not cooking, not eating, barely functioning. I have an imperative for this. It’s a quote from Moonstruck. Cher says (to Nicolas Cage), “Snap out of it1”

I’ll try.