hitting the wall

It happened again. I hit the wall. Today looked like such an easy day after pushing pushing pushing so hard. So what do I do? I stall. I hit the wall. I won’t bother telling you what I didn’t do. I didn’t do nothing.

So,I have to catch up. I found the list of potential blogs I turned up last week as I began my paper chase and I’m going to summarize some of them and leave you to fill in the blanks. They are quite fun.

*Consider the over-medicalization of dying. I read that medical insurance will pay for (usually hopeless) surgery and not for assisted living for the little time left. That’s worth a blog.

*I have been asking people over 60 what they thought was something important they learned within the last ten years. One person gave me what I thought was a surprising answer. She said she learned how to live alone. I learned that so long ago I would never have thought of it. I guess that’s a blog.

*You know the expression “mind-boggling”. I read an expression, “the boggle line”. When do you cross it? At what point does an idea or event cause your mind to boggle? Does one draw the line or is it drawn for one? Who draws it? How do you recognise it? I think perhaps it is a line between what is plausible (possible?) and what is too stupid or unbelievable (impossible?). That would be fun to illustrate.

*Epiphanies.  I love epiphanies. I keep coming across them. I have written about them in my (as yet unpublished) book of ageing, but one could go on and on as long as one goes and on. Here’s a nice distinction from travel writer/novelist Paul Theroux (1941): “Happiness is a particular time in a particular place, an epiphany that remains as a consolation and a regret.”

*I get mad at crossword puzzle writers who keep on being MCPs and defining women in stereotypes. “Hag” is always “crone” in their minds, or “witch”. There are far too many disparaging terms for women, many of them mis-or re- interpreted, beginning with gossip. Gossip was originally generic, male or female, and identified a godparent, related by baptism, entitled to talk (or gossip)  to the family, but it became idle or salacious or rumoured chat and was attributed to women, who became gossips. Consider also gorgon, ogress, medusa, termagant, harpy, fishwife, virago, battle-axe. It’s all bad press.

*I think I read this somewhere: Few people know how to be old. Given enough time, we’re going to learn. I’m working at it, and giving a hand up.

*Mindfulness. This is very hot right no, not the attitude or practice but the term. You can take a course now in how to be mindful.

 mind·ful·ness ˈmīn(d)f(ə)lnəs/ noun 1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. "their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition" 2. a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

I’ve been mindful for a long time now, beginning with the necessity. When my husband died, that’s when I started saying to myself, and to anyone who would listen:

Cherish the moment.