where am i ?

I finally realized that I am going through a long long recovery time.

I don’t remember going to bed last night. I was asleep before I lay down. I didn’t wake up this morning. I was still deep in my REM, a dream that I didn’t leave, and when I did, suddenly I was here, at home, with no idea how I got here, no memory of a return from New York (in my dream), being with people I know are dead, including my husband.

I’m here now. Almost.

I dozed upright on the sofa most of the afternoon. I finally went swimming in and out of the spa (hot) and the pool (very cool). I took the compost out and checked the mail (nada), loaded the dishwasher and made some dinner—two cobs of corn, not from Ontario, too early for that, but good. And finally realized that I was still recovering.

I forgive me.

Tomorrow I will do better.