I’m still going through files and papers for my tax stuff and i came across this, a satire of an exam by Barney Jackson, who was on the Stratford Board when I was there. I have spent an hour searching for him. He must have been an academic as you will deduce from this fake exam he wrote for our entertainment. I will enter as much as I can —I have to make dinner….

CANDIDATES WILL ATTEMPT FIFTEEN OF THE FOLLOWING THRTY QUESTIONS.(N.B. 50% of the 15 must be odd numbered questions (e.g. Question 29)

1 - “Now could I do it pat,” says Hamlet as he comes on Claudius at prayer.

a) Why does Hamlet feel it necessary to take Pat into his confidence?I

b) Is Pat male or female?

c) What does this passage tell us about the Elizabethan attitude to Ireland?

2 - On the basis of our reading of Shakespeare’s plays, estimate his probable mark in Geography at King Edward Grammar School.

3 - Account for the drama.

4 - “All’s Well That Ends Well”. Do you agree with this statement? (NOTE: Severe penalties will be imposed for an incorrect answer.)

5 - “Humph”, This was King William’s comment after reading Cymbeline. Discuss King William’s verdict without mentioning Aristotle, Northrop Frye or Giles Goatboy.

6 - Shakespeare used old-fashioned language because he a) didn’t know any better; b) was in love with Queen Elizabeth; c) hated Americans; d) talked in iambic pentameter; e) wasn’t Fancis Bacon; f) didn’t give a damn; g) came from a small town; h) sometimes sang madrigals; i) drank too much; j) had small Latin and less Greek. Select the correct answer, and incorporate it in a sonnet.

7 -