when i come to be old

Here's a list I've quoted before but it bears repeating. The older I get the more I think about it. Few people remember Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) these days or if they do they think of him as a children's book author, known for Gulliver's Travels, the first book, "Voyage to Lilliput" and sometimes,the second one to Brobdingnag. No one remembers Luggnagg (3) or the Houhyhnyms (4).  Swift was a cleric, latterly Dean of ST. Patricks Cathedral, Dublin, an essayist,  a  poet and satirist.  His satire "A Modest Proposal" shocked his readers then as now - if there are any readers now.  Few people then as now get satire.  Or even irony.
When I come to be old, by Jonathan Swift.

Not to marry a young Woman.  (OR MAN? I'M NOT SO SURE.)
Not to keep young Company unless they really desire it. 
Not to be peevish or morose, or suspicious. 
Not to scorn present Ways, or Wits, or Fashions, or Men, or War, &c. 
Not to be fond of Children, or let them come near me hardly. 
Not to tell the same story over and over to the same People. (THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!)
Not to be covetous. 
Not to neglect decency, or cleenlyness, for fear of falling into Nastyness. 
Not to be over severe with young People, but give Allowances for their youthfull follyes and weaknesses. 
Not to be influenced by, or give ear to knavish tattling servants, or others. 
Not to be too free of advice, nor trouble any but those that desire it. 
To desire some good Friends to inform me which of these Resolutions I break, or neglect, and wherein; and reform accordingly. 
Not to talk much, nor of my self. (CAREFUL HERE!)
Not to boast of my former beauty, or strength, or favour with Ladyes, &c. 
Not to hearken to Flatteryes, nor conceive I can be beloved by a young woman.  
Not to be positive or opinionative. 
Not to sett up for observing all these Rules; for fear I should observe none. (THIS IS THE HARDEST ONE.)