I was going to write my blog before I went to bed last night but suddenly it was an hour later – well, it was going to be an hour later, at 2 a.m. –so I went to bed. Now here’s yesterday’s blog and maybe I’ll write one for today or maybe not.
A friend of mine, a few years younger than I, went to look at a “facility”. I’m not sure what to call it. There are so many different levels and services that they are hard to describe. Old Folks’ Home used to cover it but now there is Assisted Living, Senior Citizens’ - Residence? Place? - Nursing Home, Long-Term Care, oh, and then fancy names: Stratton Arms; Normandy House’; Christie Pits – no, that’s a landmark, used to be, in the west end of Toronto. But you see what I mean. My friend was going to check out one of these places, high-end, downtown, with a possibility of subsidy. They are all expensive and they all have huge waiting lists. I have been told that the average length of time a person lives in one of these places is four years. I don’t like that.
My friend has had trouble with her sight and has had to give up her car, a real blow to her self-confidence and sense of independence. I didn’t feel that way at all. I gave up my car before I was eighty and for a reason I’ve said before that makes me sound more eco than thou, but it’s true. I gave up my car to reduce my footprint on the planet. Carbon emissions, you know.
It was a blessing: suddenly I had more money. (Cars cost about $10,000 a year now to run in a city.) And I felt a greater sense of independence because, directionally challenged as I am, I could find my way with public transit with self-confidence. I realized I have been arrogant in my assumption of continuing health and energy (albeit somewhat diminished). My recent leg injury eroded that confidence but not before my ego caused my complications and made me take so long to heal. I tried to keep on doing what I was doing and I wasn’t giving my wound a chance to heal properly (and slowly). I finally acknowledged the fact that I am not “as young as I was” and that I should be more careful. But it never occurred to me that I might have to leave here and my present lifestyle. My friend’s search shook me.
I know, I know. Today is not forever. But I kept hoping that tomorrow is a long way off. Maybe not as far off as I thought. I was taking a few more taxis than was my custom, to accommodate my sore leg and dwindling energy.
Once when the driver dropped me, he asked, “Is that a senior citizens’ home?”
“Yes!” I said. And it’s true; there are a lot of us here, in various states of disrepair. I can’t come to a conclusion, not yet.