next

It worked. I showered and shampooed in the changing room, as if I had gone swimming. So the day has been working better.  Why do we have to keep learning the same lesson over and over again?  You'd think by my age I'd know enough to behave myself.   

St. Augustine said "We do not leave our sins; our sins leave us."  I guess.  So when you  finally resist temptation, it's not because you have developed the strength to resist, it's because the temptation doesn't tempt you any more.  

I am so grateful for things hat don't tempt me, as well as for things that have ceased to tempt me. I have never been tempted by cheesecake so it's very easy to resist.  I haven't had pie for years; it seems to have fallen off my goodies list.  (Actually, a neighbour gave me a piece of pumpkin pie a few weeks ago and I ate it because I don't like to throw things out, but I wasn't thrilled, didn't want to go out and buy a pie.) The trick with resisting the temptation of most things is to say NO once in the store. Once a goody is in the house it starts calling your name.  

You notice these temptations are all edible ones. I guess behavioural ones are harder to resist, and more insidious, like porn, I suppose.  Well, for me, porn is even less alluring than cheesecake. Come to that, are women generally tempted by porn?  Soft porn, I guess - the love scenes that go on for three or four pages, quite explicitly, in Harlequin Romances and their ilk. I actually went through a phase of gulping them, a few years after my husband died.  I picked up an HR in a place I was staying at, read it quickly, and cried.  My life wasn't like that, nor likely to be, ever.  For about a year I read three or four HRs a week, finding some authors I enjoyed - the rare ones with a sense of humour - and analyzed romance fiction.  It's harder to write than you'd think.  

How did I get to this?  Oh, temptation.  Oscar Wilde said, "I can resist anything except temptation".  Me too.

28 days

There is a saying that it takes 28 days to break a habit  Sandra Bullock starred in a film called "27 Days" playing an alcoholic who needed 27 days to wean her from the booze.  I haven't gone swimming now for 12 days and I'm going crazy.  Sure it's nice to sleep in - don't sleep but I read and write (and empty the dishwasher), but last night i stayed  up till 3 a.m. because I didn't have to get up to swim.  So today was (almost) shot.  Not quite, because today is New York Times day.  But I need my swimming schedule; it keeps me in line.  

I'm not disciplined.  I have to impose rules and regulations and rituals and routines so that I can get through the day.  I think I must get up tomorrow and go ahead and have a shower in the changing room as if I were going to swim. Maybe that will help.

I've had extra time to think - of course, that's not true, because I think while I swim.  Well, I'm still thinking about my Book.  And I think I need to write another chapter. Not such a bad idea, because as long as I keep writing I won't get too panicky about finding a publisher.  Or an agent. All my contacts have retired or died. 

Persistence will get you nowhere, not if people don't answer their mail. Not even in 28 days. I think they've broken the habit of letter-writing, not to say courtesy.