then again

OH dear, I just lost my first two paragraphs. I guess they weren’t worth it. It’s swim time. I’ll be back……

.I’ve had a lovely day today. My helpful balcony-wrapping neighbour drove me to several stores that are hard for me to get to by public transit, to say nothing of the difficulty getting home with all I bought. Cars are bigger than shopping carts.

I do not intend this blog to be a mere record of my daily events. I already have a diary, though it looks like a workbook most of the time. I did have a blog subject in mind this morning: my inner dialogue. I thought it would be interesting because my readers (all three of you) might find it a trigger - no - a stethoscope to help you listen to your own inner dialogue. ! want to explore. But my shopping registered as outer dialogue. The pragmatic decisions were just that, too pragmatic, incapable of delivering thoughtful insights or questions.

I’m thinking that the best way to track my ID (Inner dialogue but yes, it’s Identity) - the best way is to follow along in my wet meditation one morning, like, maybe tomorrow morning. I’ll track my thinking while I’m swimming. Apart from word games I play with the announcements and directives on the walls, I plan menus. Tomorrow I’ll follow and see where it goes. I’ll probably have to dress first.

Have a reason to get out of bed.

inner dialogue

Nothing wrong yesterday, if you even noticed that I missed it. I was just tired. The very thought of thinking (you know what I mean) paralyzed me, so I didn’t do any writing. I read but not much. I’m reading Florida, a collection of short stories by Lauren Groff, whose writing I love (and who is up for a National Book Award) but these stories were making me jumpy, frightened, nervous and suspicious. Abandoned children struggling to survive (some don’t), cheating men and women, snakes, bugs, hurricane-like storms are all described vividly and memorably; I wolud finish one story and then leave the book for a while to give me time to recover. Actually, I left off one yesterday without finishing it and quit for the day - have to go back and see what happened to the not-very smart or nice “heroine”.

I’m not very brave. Smart as I think I am, I struggle along - banal, middle-of-the road, merely articulate, seldom original. I digress.

I am going to try to catch my inner dialogue, the constant flicker of thoughts and images that waft through my mind or brain - whatever. (I read that scientists are trying to separate and identify mind, brain and soul.) Anon, anon. It’s 5:29 a.m. Maybe I can sleep a little longer, before the day begins and nap-times start.